The 3 methods of developing the most important relationship in your life

All judgment of others is the judgment of self

All relationships are mirrors

Hi Friend,

First off, wishing you a merry Christmas or whatever name and ritual you frame this season with.

The gist of it from my lens is a celebration with your family and friends. Those closest to you.

A common thread running throughout the festivities includes a table spread.

Food porn.

And many conversations around the things most alive for all parties involved.

This process ranges on the spectrum from enjoyable to anxiety-inducing.

When you boil this human game down to its essence, it's all about relationships.

The relationship that you cultivate with yourself echoes your relationships.

What does that mean?

Whatever qualities you admire or despise in others, are but a reflection of yourself.

You can only recognize those virtues, values, and behavior patterns you hold within.

If your uncle Frank's behavior irritates you, it's because you shunned those parts of yourself.

You either believe these are shameful, ugly, and undesirable qualities.

Making you repress and project the patterns onto others.

Or you entertain the opposite belief, that these qualities are desirable.

You aspire to them.

This makes you pedestal those individuals. Projecting and disowning the very same qualities because you perceive lacking them.

All judgment of others is the judgment of self.

All relationships are mirrors.

The more intimate the relationship, the more reflective the surface.

The more deeply rooted the history of the relationship, the more potential triggers it has.

And this is by no means a static thing.

Contrary to popular belief, you develop, grow, and evolve.

Your values and virtues evolve with you.

The things you once held in reverence, fade away.

And with it, the once-perceived unbreakable bond with closest friends and lovers dissolves.

Without alignment of foundational values and core aspirations, you know how that ends.

The truth of the matter is that we're all on a solo journey.

Each walks an individual path, meandering, and ever-changing.

By letting go of our insecurities and unhealthy attachments, we break our bonds.

The only reason why we hold on to the illusion of permanence is due to our fear of isolation and disconnection.

We're all searching for love. For that everlasting infinite cosmic connection.

The cosmic joke is that we never lost it. It's within us.

Unless we recognize the single most important relationship is that which we cultivate with ourselves, we're forever searching.

Searching outside of ourselves for something we cannot find.

As a fleshlight projecting a beam of light into darkness, looking for the source of light.

The paradox here is that only when we feel whole are we ever able to be in a fulfilling relationship with others.

There's nothing more repulsive than the energy of lack and desperation.

Neediness.

Needing to micromanage and control.

Needing to manage the expectations and experiences of others.

Needing for things to go according to our idea of how things should look.

All stemming from a lack of self-compassion and self-love. The inability to embrace things precisely as they are.

That includes accepting others for precisely where they are on their journey and their level of consciousness.

You're only ever able to meet someone where they are.

Unless you're able to accept the totality of who you are, how do you imagine ever being able to accept others for who they are?

This is of course easier said than done.

But literally, everything is easier said than done.

By definition.

So first and foremost, become a friend to yourself:

• Afford yourself the same level of compassion and patience you'd expect from others.

• Cultivate the same level of unconditional love that you expect from your lovers.

• Raise your code of conduct to the same level of intellectual rigor and reason you expect from your peers.

• Extend tenderness and forgiveness for your past behavior in the same way you'd expect it from your family.

You'll often hear me say that the holy trinity of psycho-spiritual initiation is:

1. Parenthood

2. Entrepreneurial venture

3. Deeply Intimate relationships

Not necessarily in that order. Except for the pleasing cascading aesthetics.

And you without a doubt already see a layer deeper.

Each of the 3 paths of initiation is about relationships.

Parenthood

The relationship you develop with your child, who is wholly dependent on you.

Seeing how helpless and vulnerable you were as a child.

Recognizing your own childhood wounds and being able to own up to them as an adult.

Without projecting, outsourcing your power, and playing the victim role.

All the whilst unlocking a new emotional dimension of unconditional love.

For loving someone for who they are, with all their dependencies on you as a parent.

And for allowing them to become your teacher.

A bundle of joy and playfulness that rekindles that spark, your child within.

Because it's now safe to come back out and play because your adult self is able to provide that space for play.

And you're able to forgive your parents and yourselves for all your imperfections.

Entrepreneurial venture

Embarking on a creative business-building path of initiation you start to see your worth.

Unlearning layers and layers of beliefs that you're not worthy of love and wealth.

Because the wealth you're able to build comes from how much you value yourself.

And you signal to others to follow suit.

Because those you serve and those you collaborate with are value-based relationships.

And you're worthy, your medicine.

Your unique life experience and the combination of skills you have developed are key.

The key that unlocks a solution to the obstacles others face on their journey in life.

Deeply Intimate relationships

And by committing to an intimate sexual relationship, you embark upon the most intense form of reflection.

All of your behavior and action illuminated.

Wishing you a joyous, creative, and love-laden return of the sun.