The 3 fold way to making life changes without fail

_{Reverse engineering Butterfly metamorphosis}

The vast majority of people fail to change their lives.

It's not because we're lazy, or don't want something bad enough.

Well, sometimes it is the former.

But in most cases, where sincere desire gives way to action, the reason lies elsewhere.

It's because you're focusing on the wrong levers.

Your heart desires a specific lifestyle.

Boiled down to a set of possessions, and relationships that make up your experience.

So you focus on the desired outcomes.

Now here's the trick.

Outcomes, by definition, are a historic category.

Implied is that there's a preceding activity that results in a said outcome.

And that's where most people are dead in the water.

Focusing on behaviors/habits.

This is where friction and resistance come in.

The Stickiness of said activity has no traction.

No road to meet the rubber.

So HAVING is a result of DOING logic dictates.

And DOING is a result of BEING.

Your identity is the highway network upon which your doing takes place.

Because habits are the root cause of belief systems, and identities.

• That's why diets fail

• That's why you can't find an empty spot in your gym in January

• That's why your career is stagnant

• And why you can't seem to put down that (insert guilty pleasure of choice)

Most advice on the internet will have you "believe" you only have to want it. Force it upon yourself with the sheer power of will.

Let me know if you cracked that code. Like ever. Seriously, I'll reconsider my entire understanding of human behavior.

So you’re left wondering (and wandering).

What the fuck is identity anyway?

Glad you asked.

The single most important question you can ask yourself in life:

1. Who am I?

2. How do I identify myself?

• Is it with my government-issued ID? (pun intended)

• Is it with my given name and surname?

• Is it with my culturally prescribed vocation training track?

• The roles of parent, sibling, spouse, friend, and child?

• My favorite character in the latest subscription model series I spoon-feed myself?

• None, and simultaneously all of the above?

I consider myself an authority when it comes to loosely held identities and beliefs.

I would know.

In my 30+ years on this journey so far, I changed more relationships than I can account for.

(insert potential use case for blockchain ledger)

Intimate, romantic, amicable, work-related, casual, committed, platonic, adventurous, on a need-to-know-basis, ...

I cruised through a host of groups ranging in interests and common activities.

(Wow, now that's an understatement)

I changed more "careers", work roles, and organizations than even LinkedIn can capture.

Yes, I'm referring to working with, for, and alongside people who pledge their allegiance to a brand.

(Remind me to unpack this from the lens of magick at some time)

You could say: wow, that's so flakey. Can't you just make up your mind and stick with something?

Haha, I'd tell you to zip it, you're under no obligation to be the same person you were even 5 minutes ago.

And chances are, you don't know me well enough to know that I'm probs one of the most grounded dudes out there.

Like an impermeable rock.

Because I'm so fluid, it's exactly the defining quality.

You can bet your inflated worthless dollar on this pattern.

And you'd have more inflation of said dollars.

So by now, you're either long gone or sufficiently invested in this story to stick through all the curves.

You should see me in conversation in real life.

I drive people insane with the continuous meanderings.

And always drive the point to its final destination.

What I'm trying to say here is, I've pretty much nailed the identity shift game.

It's the easiest thing out there for me to change my mind. (And also the hardest to imagine why it’s not as easy for everyone else)

Change my beliefs.

And change the underlying behavior.

Although, it takes time to develop any specific identity, the nested set of beliefs, and the required skillset.

So the only thing standing in your way of the life you desire (at the moment, remember that's a moving target) is the identity you haven't taken on.

The set of beliefs that come with it.

And the reps you put in.

Because the only difference between you and your role model is the number of repetitions.

If you enjoyed this thread, and are curious to learn about what I’ve been focused on in the past year or so stacking up my skillset and building out tools to help others on their journey of living the dream.

Keep an eye out for an email from me next week. I’ve built something awesome.

Aleksander